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Eats scissors and stabs with paste.

Premises before conclusions or shut the fuck up.

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Fic Recs, and In Case You're Wondering Why My Sense of Humor Skews Towards the Absurd
1) I went down to Texas to visit family this weekend.

2) I have a new iPhone and just now realized how easy it is to read fic from it.

3) Here you go:

So Know One Told You, which is a Steve/Tony and Bruce/Natasha/Clint AU that is really delightfully ensemble. (Also some Thor/Loki, but don't worry, Aud, it's unrequited and little more than a reference...I can still feel you looking at me.) It's based on Friends, meaning that each chapter is based around some kind of iconic moment from the show. It starts as pure comedy, but over time gets deeper and deeper while still being hysterically funny, and then suddenly I'm crying in a parking lot in Decatur and wondering when the hell this happened. It's unfinished. I'm getting the shakes.

The Last Love Song of Anthony E. Stark, which is Tony/Steve (because that was apparently my thing this weekend) with background Loki/Sif. Tony contracts an Asgardian virus that leads to him losing his memory. The way the author describes sense of self slowly slipping away is heart-wrenching and, frankly, terrifying.

And then there was the actual family gathering. A little background: I never met my maternal grandfather, because he was a vile human being and, frankly, little girls were not safe around him. He died in 1990 of a massive heart attack, anyway, completely estranged from the rest of the family, because: vile. Since he was a pretty heavy smoker, no one questioned his relatively young age of death even though my mother's side of the family tends towards nearly freakish physical hardiness.

At the gathering, out of nowhere, my uncle up and pops up to let us all know that 1) my grandfather first married one woman, then divorced her and married her daughter, so he married his step-daughter, his ex-wife was his mother-in-law, and his final wife was both my mother's stepmother and stepsister. Yeah. And 2) about six years after my grandfather's death, my uncle got a call from the last wife's latest husband...who died in the exact same mysterious way that my grandfather did in spite of having no previous health problems or history of heart disease. My grandfather had been cremated, so there was no evidence left, but...yeah. It was made all the more bizarre/reluctantly hilarious by how completely calm by uncle was in describing this. "Oh, our family is a Carl Hiaasen novel...is there any more of that salad?"

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