i'm going to be on fucking youtube again (ficangel) wrote,
i'm going to be on fucking youtube again

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So I've been in a funk lately.

And I don't seem likely to pull out of it soon. The biggest factors:

1) I have become convinced that I am never going to again see a world where the estate (and the work, and the time, and the stress of responsibility and implied threat in being liable in the handling of a big ol' shit-ton of money, even if most of it's going to creditors) is not a factor in my life. It's like a mental illness at this point (and it's certainly put me on enough meds): this is just a factor of your reality now, learn to cope with it.

2) My mother is probably an objectively bad person, or at the very least an incredibly selfish and narcissistic one. Yeah, I know that everyone reaches the point where they have to realize that their parents cannot be their lodestones any longer, and I certainly hit that point a long time ago with the other one, but it still hasn't been fun. I haven't been able to speak to her for most of the week, because I know I'll wind up saying vicious, unforgivable, incredibly true things. Aud's mother has offered to adopt me, though, which is very kind of her. I mean, I'm grown and all, but I'm still very frequently a pain in the ass.

So if I just kind of disappear and mope for awhile, only to reappear periodically with really terrible poetry and emo hair or whatever, that's why.

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Tags: the hobbs zombies
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