Things. And so forth.

Losties, specifically eponine119 and alliecat8: the annual GFG still on for Vegas? And what's the timeline? I'm in a weird position where I can afford the trip financially, but getting leave right now is hard due to eating all of mine up in August and my department being hit really, really hard right now. (A clusterfuck five months in the making, and I could probably ingratiate myself with management very hard if I could fake the appropriate sympathy, but: FIVE MONTHS IN THE MAKING, AND THEY'RE JUST DEALING WITH IT NOW.)



In other news, one of the estate checks came in yesterday. Thank Christ. This isn't wealth, this is breathing room, but damned I couldn't use it. Everything that I purchased today was not a luxury (save for my nails, but more on that in a tick), it's just a need that I've been putting off because it was not food, shelter, or gas. A winter coat because my leather jacket is about to fall apart, two new bras because I had two underwires snap within two weeks of each other, etc.

And also, a full set of acrylic nails. Look, I know that a lot of people (read: fashion mags) think that fake nails are kind of trashy, but in my family, if you are an adult woman and you have your shit together, you have a set of fake nails. It's not a status thing, it's a sign of competence, because God help you if any man (or woman) bought you those nails. Paying with your own money is proof that you can handle your business. I got a set the same day that I signed the lease for my grad school apartment (and we all know how that turned out), had to let them go, and am very, very pleased with myself for being able to afford them again now. The nail tech was aaaaammmmmmazing, too, totally going to her again.

So, yeah. The year (and change) in which I have been operating in the adult employment world and couldn't afford them was reaalllly bothering me. I know it's irrational; most decisions based upon beauty are. But it makes me very happy that I can now. (Even though it's an inheritance, I'm having to do such battle over settling this estate that I totally count it as earned. Thanks, Aunty Evil!)

The rest of the insurance is still on hold, and I'm talking about this outside of a cut for own reason only: there's a place with Aunty Evil after which you can't tell what's rational and what's not, 'cause she fucks with your head to the point that everything you dismissed as only being possible coming from a crazy person has already happened, and it's entirely possible that she's reading this journal, since my father knew of it. But the death certificate has to be filed with the state w/in a certain time period by law, and the mumble-mumble amount of the primary life insurance is earning interest at an extremely generous 3.5% APR until I can collect it. So, Aunty Evil? Keep up the shit, you're earning me a couple grand, minimum.

Sitting on my hands wrt executorship for the moment, because Tara has an ad litem attorney who has to do his thing until we can locate her and then get back with my lawyer. He might also be working for Nugget, even though to my non-lawyer mind that kind of seems like a conflict of interest? I'm not entirely sure, there. Look, I'll be blunt: my father was not a good person. I was inside of his house and, even taking into account the condition left behind because it was fucking robbed by people who thought that his refrigerator was of sentimental family value, but the stained-glass art that he made while married to his first wife was not (note to self: see if Tara in particular wants that), that was...there's a strong possibility that he was mentally ill at the end. That does not excuse the decades of misogyny and racism that made up my experience with him, but it might explain the phone calls and texts that he was making in the months immediately before his death, which were the direct cause of me changing my phone number on him. If my half-sister can be found, I fully intend to take her to lunch, tell her the story of my brother (because he was just a baby the last time she saw him), and then give her the check for the estate and tell her that it's for punitive damages. And I'm going to fight like hell to not DNA test her, too, based upon the shit that my aunt is putting me through. Nugget is more complicated; for all that my father was threatening to take her away as of my own brother's funeral, he never met her, he never got an opportunity to damage her (Nugget, he damaged WBW plenty, but unfortunately there's no legal recourse for that). I am totally cool with putting Nugget's one-third into a trust fund until she can access it for college, but Nugget's mother has money to manage the rest of her life liek whoa if she manages it right, and it's not personal for her the way it is for me and Tara. Nugget has her tuition and books paid for through WBW's tribal ties, but let's face it: "full ride" scholarships never pay for everything. I am 100% on board with giving my niece a decent college car, a little bit of a party allowance, a good night's sleep during finals, based upon this trust fund.

By the way, did I mention that my own grandfather (who has advanced Alzheimer's) hit on me pretty aggressively during my own father's funeral? Yeah, to the point that I was walking him down the aisle (and my aunt's daughter snatched him up from me with a quickness, which hurt because she was the only one among them that I trusted prior to this nonsense), and I was thinking, "Okay, old man: your hand cannot move north or south, it has to stay exactly where it is." This is of note because my brother was absolutely terrified of getting Alzheimer's, as it runs though the [Last Name Redacted] men like plague. Wish that I could tell him that it wouldn't have mattered, he would have been a horny old man without any recollection that anything was wrong at all. Wish that Wayward Bro could have heard that, he would have gotten a good laugh out of it.

Yeah, I won't hide it: I have an excellent bottle of cabernet open right now.