ficangel

All of my fic posted before July 1st, 2009 will have a "caveat lector" policy. Some of it does carry specific warnings, some of it does not; without a consistent policy, I don't feel comfortable advertising any of it as a safe space. Contact me and I'll do my best to fill in the blanks, but ten years of fandom plus half a million words a year is a hell of a lot of words.

All of my fic posted after July 1st, 2009 will contain a variation of the following as a part of its header boilerplate: "CONTAINS: X, Y, Z, please contact me if you need or want more information." I have a bad habit of crouching on PMs like Gollum, but I'll do my best to answer any PMs or emails just as soon as possible.

Firstly, have a peek at the "Teeth" video:



So, that's just this side of outright porn. And then there's fic!

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I am finally caught up on Criminal Minds. Oh, Uncle Dave, you have come such a long way, haven't you? *chucks his chin*

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The More Adventurous Wanderer is Kirk&Gaila gen that unabashedly draws its inspiration from cereta's On Men and Rape post, and I seriously love it. Kirk is a fratboy and also a good person, and Gaila is powerful and sharp.

If That's All That We Have is ten interconnected drabbles about Elizabeth Burke. Ends in the OT3 place, but the journey is all about El.

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Today has been declared lurker amnesty day! Have you read me but never commented? Do you surf by occasionally? Here for the ficinsanity? Say hello! You are under no obligation to ever comment or delurk again, but here's a chance to do so in a post just for that.

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God, but the Super Bowl commercial for Criminal Minds is made of puppies and ass-kicking. Creepy, creepy puppies.

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I am seriously torn about stepping into the middle of a fight going on in my parking lot right now. It's two women, and while it's not physical (yet, maybe), one of them is using very hunched, very submissive body language, yet the other one just keeps going at her. Ugh. This is complicated.

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I took a three-hour nap today for no rational reason. My head is throbbing. Oh, one of my coworkers is in high danger of getting her ass kicked for coming to work (even though she won't come to work when she's entirely fine) with this shit.

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The Vampire Diaries continues to please. This is my pleased face: :D

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Nugget About Town is out of the hospital, doesn't even need breathing treatments, and I was flailing on a level touched only by her mother for the amusement of all and sundry. Seriously, y'all, if those doctors had not started coughing up answers, I WAS GOING TO STEAL ME A BABY. I can't go visit at her house, though, 'cause my department at work is full of plague rats right now and I don't even want to think about what my immune system is just barely staving off. *sadfaces*

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Also continuing to please? Criminal Minds. I want someone to profile Neal, OMG, so hard.

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cynthia_arrow recced me this, a Legend of the Seeker fic of the Kahlan/Cara subtext persuasion. It is made of heart-shaped pupils.

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I taught Eddie Dean how to play fetch. It was really cute until he took to dunking his rabbit-fur mousie into his water dish, then sneaking up to lay it quietly against my arm or my shoulder. JAYSUS.

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Yeah, so I totally need to go to NYC to see the American Idiot musical. This needs to happen.

EDIT: Um, can Beyonce divorce Jay-Z and marry me? Can we make that happen? Can she at least cover a full version of "You Oughta Know" on her next album? I think that I would commit crimes to make that happen. Not violent ones, but still.

EDIT THE SECOND: OKAY. You know what needs to exist? A Beyonce/Lady Gaga superhero AU (with a supporting role by Pink) in which they have to go rescue Kelly Clarkson because no one has seen the real Kelly since 2007 and a vile, and far less fierce, impostor has taken her place. I mean, come on. Beyonce and Pink have both amply proven through their acts that flying is not that big of a stretch.

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I...might have all of the available S2 episodes of Legend of the Seeker on Hulu. *facepalm* I was pleased to note, however, that the sudden uptick in quality from the end of the first season has extended into the second, and that Craig and Bridget are invoking the Evangeline Lilly law of never writing an actor off 'cause that's when they'll shock you. (Bridget even looks like Evie in some lights.)

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Really, LJ? *sighs*

For a fixed bug, it's funny how mine is still listing "It's personal." *toddles off to poke*

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The certified mail today was not, as I thought when I bounded to the door, the money from the house.

It was the IRS making a final collection attempt on $2400 in my dad's back taxes*.

Seriously. The next person who asks me to do this is getting punched in the nads.

*Which I wrote from the estate account, of course, but I am so sick of these nasty little pustule-like surprises cropping up just when I think I have things handled.

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Writing fic, watching DVDs, and chewing on the walls are all demonstrably more pleasant for me and others. I know this.

But...what, exactly, is a "teal deer"? It sounds like bleeding one's personal issues all over a meta discussion that doesn't call for it, is that about right?

I took out the trash this morning, slipped on the ice, and caught myself on the bad knee. Which is where I always catch myself, which is probably a big part of why it's the bad knee. Oh, Aleve, mother, sister, secret lover, come to me.

Signed,

The Abstract Bisexual (okay, I'm going to wade in a little)

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*My ice scraper was in my car. Which was frozen shut.

*The ice scraper is now in the apartment with me.

*I have a bamboo ladle that's never going to be the same.

*If I can manage to drive through the three inches of visibility in the upper left-hand corner of the windshield, though, I am aces.

*Should the need arise, however, there is Chinese food, booze, and a 7-11 all within walking distance.

*When you give people money for goods and/or services, they don't care that still-falling snow has frozen your hair into punk spikes all over your head.

*My new neighbors are trying to make sun tea. Oh, God bless their optimistic little hearts.

*Still have power. *thumbs up*

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Second day of a closed agency, and I have not lost my power! I am a happy bunny-foo. Who is still up way too early and watching The History Channel, where this crusty old guy who normally talks about guns is totally fanboying over the killination potential of the samurai sword. It's kinda cute.

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Blegh, I have to deal with my taxes soonish. My dad's, too, which might require an extension, 'cause that's going to be unreal. I'm a little anxious, because so much has gone on this year that I can't do the quickie form, and Turbo Tax is currently fucking over someone on my flist but hard. Also, I just paid his funeral out of the life insurance, and I am getting all kinds of conflicting info on whether or not I can claim that on my personal taxes. Estates get to claim funeral expenses on their yearly tax return, but my dad's estate is nowhere near large enough to have to pay the estate tax. The info that I got earlier this fall said that funeral expenses were not claimable as part of the estate since they were not a contract that my dad actually made, but then why can large estates claim them...? And if they are a legitimate estate expense, then possibly I could file for reimbursement when it's all said and done, but that'll be fucking over Tara and Nugget on their shares, and I don't want to do that, either. And that's all before taking into account the variables of which I'm certain.

This makes my head owie.

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So, not spoilery, but I just want to reiterate how happy The Vampire Diaries has been making me this year. I totally want to draw sparkle-hearts around Stefan and Elena, separately and together. They have a chemistry that's a bit slow-burning, but it gets there. Yay for dealing with traumas like adults, agency, and rapidly-approaching-healthy sexual dynamics!

And then someone on another post made a comment about Bonnie just keeping Damon on a leash, and I made an inappropriate noise and realized that there is something maybe not entirely right about me.

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Made it all the way to the parking lot today, only to be told to take my silly ass home. And that was before it started getting hellacious out there. Yeah, I don't think that I'm going to work out tomorrow. \O/ Project tonight: finding the most perfect version of "Born in the U.S.A." ever.

( White Collar 1.09 )

( Leverage 2.12 )

( Legend of the Seeker, about halfway through the third disk of the first season? Also discussion of the books. )

The Mentalist has regained its charm as it enters the last half of the season, which pleases me a lot. That's not spoilery.

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Good God, Jingles the Idiot Boy, your life does not mean to me nearly what you think that it does.

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Dudes, I am having such trouble finding a new fannish sandbox, and I don't like it at all. It's not happy sluttery, it's sitting in one sandbox for a few minutes, turning a few shovelfuls over sadly, and then pulling the plastic turtle cover (tm thatsaud) back on equally sadly and toddling away.

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This kind of makes me ridiculously happy.

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Southland on TNT next! Watch it, y'all, it was one of my auditions for Next Big Fandom O' My Heart, and it's insanely good.

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Daybreakers fandom is already being driven mostly by Edward/Frankie, and yet I'm more disgruntled by the fact that Frankie is an incredible jackass. This means that I'm no longer fit for civilian life, y/mfy?

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Speaking of awful things that I'm starting to love, ( do I need to cut for episodes that are over a year old, and based on books a decade old? )

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I have come to the conclusion that my fascination with Damon Salvatore means that genre fiction is the only thing keeping me from writing to serial killers.

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TITLE: Play This Thing By Ear
AUTHOR: Mari
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: Ain’t none of this mine.
FANDOM: Glee
PAIRING/CHARACTERS: Burt Hummel, Kurt/Puck
CONTAINS: Language, angst, and good parenting. Contact me if you need or want to know more.
SUMMARY: You protect them. That’s just what parents do.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Special thanks go to _workinprogress and sparky77 for their read-throughs. All mistakes are entirely my own.

Whenever he doesn’t have glee or football or isn’t doing something with Mercedes after school, Kurt’s usually at the garage by 3:45.

The "Is slash appropriative?" debate has reached Jacob, who weighs in thusly: When I talk about how slash fiction -- like musical theatre and makeover shows -- is just a sneaky way for fat girls to turn gay men into zoo animals, this is what I'm talking about. This is the end result.

Stay classy, jackass!

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In better news, after three weeks of calling, faxing, mailing, yelling, and resorting to threats of black magic, I can haz the lien release to my father's house! I can haz sell house! I can haz not wind up rocking in the corner and chewing on my own fingers!

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And now, I'm gonna post Glee fic and work on my first help_haiti assignment. Everything's coming up Milhouse!

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Yeah. Yeah, that was the show made of adorable cheese actually saying something fairly deep and fourth-wall breaking about its own appeal. *glees*

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Happy birthday, celtic_fish!